REAL TALK #2 | Where it all started

Thursday, November 05, 2015

Where it all started | Part II

Welcome back to real talk with T (me)! I hope you are having lovely week so far and Hello November! I’m getting a little excited as around this time is where all my family celebrations starts happening and is it too early to mention Christmas?! Never!  

Any who, back to todays post, part 2 of my story where it all started.
I was 6 years young when our family moved all the way to the United Kingdom where little did I know at that time is where we would call home. In my mind I thought it was a little holiday but I was happily wrong. 

When my parents first told me we would be going to England, the first image popped into my head was this painting By LS Lowry I saw when I was younger.

I know this isn’t the prettiest, most inviting painting but this image stuck with me as I imaged what my new home would be like. I imagined England would be covered in snow, and it will look so magical. Boy was I wrong! We were greeted to a wet, windy typical British weather! 
It took a while for me to settled in school as I try to learn a new language, new friends and new surroundings. So I took comfort in my love for drawing and spend most of my past time doodling. I loved my new Primary School and still remember my first teachers name, Mrs. Jones. She had short brown hair, quite tall and was very kind to me. She also took interest in my art and always encouraged me to do more. For once I started to feel happy in what I am doing in school, like I was realising my potential and discovered a deeper love for arts. 
As a child I was pretty carefree like most children and confident in myself. But through high school my confidence quickly tumbled downhill. With not boring you too much and getting into details, for me I have learnt a lot in high school. 

I learnt not to depend on others as people come and go, I leant to work hard in chasing my dreams and ignore what others thought of me. I always sat in my form room at lunch times working on my fashion designs or art projects as I found comfort in doing so. It was not work for me but play and an escape from my surroundings. 
I overcame heartbreak, no not the puppy love kind as you might think but rather came from broken friendships. I leant first hand what bullying was and how nasty some people can be in this world, how words can hurt so much and eat you up inside. This is when I learnt how insecure I was in myself and who I was. From being so carefree and confident as a child, I became the opposite and I started to dig a dark hole for myself to hide in.

But I graadually learnt to be stronger and protect myself, but this also made me put up a wall that I recently realised I still have with people. Now don’t get me wrong I did have a few happy moments in high school and I did meet some very lovely people who made my high school experience more bearable, but I never really fully connected with anyone. Or rather my wall was too high to let anyone one in. 

Why am I writing all this? Well, simply because I’m finally ready to completely let it all go and start taking my wall down. I am learning everyday to LOVE myself again. If you don’t like who I am, your loss. This is not me being arrogant but rather me loving myself again and I think everyone should love themselves too. 

I don’t have any regrets as everything happened is in the past and it has build me up to who I am now. I am still not as confident as I once was as a child, but thats okay. I guess I wanted to write all this to tell you it will all be okay. If you are going through or been though hardships, I just want you to know that you are not alone. Everything happens for a reason, it might not make sense at the time and it might hurt, but please don’t give up!

I hope you enjoyed reading this post as a start to get to know me better. I just felt I wanted to open up more on here, on my blog as this is my very own space and wanted you to know a little bit of who I am as well as what I am. Hopefully I can get to know you all better too! I want to share my experiences and be more open and hopefully it will inspire and encourage some of you. This is the real me and thats all I can be.

Right now I am pretty happy in where I am, I know I still have a long journey to go but I am totally up for the ride.

Work hard, play hard, LOVE even harder! 
Until next time, much love,

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